if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
