I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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