I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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