So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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