Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
