Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
