May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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