sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
