literally had 100 drinks last night.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
