How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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