I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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