the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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