Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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