Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
