Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
