why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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