My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
