Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
