I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
