This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
