Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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