So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you still have your period?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
