dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
