I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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