Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
