No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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