I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
