Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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