When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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