IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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