I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
