Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
