Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
