I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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