the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
