if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
