I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
