I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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