shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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