Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
