dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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