now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
