And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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