sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
