Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
