they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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