Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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