I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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