Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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