Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
