I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
