Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
